People's standards of an "incredible" album have really gone 
downhill as of late.  The Fairlanes have apparently been working 
hard at becoming Punk Rock America's new craze, as I keep turning 
up gleaming reviews of their latest CD, "Welcome To Nowhere," all 
across the Internet.  Phrases like "the best indie release of 2001," 
"catchy, melodic, and inspiring," and "phenomenal in both production 
and efforts by the band" can really build up a band for a fall.  
Did they?  Most assuredly.


Kids, this is ridiculously generic pop-punk that tries to appeal to 
2 different types of people at the same time.  On one hand, they're 
taking aim at the Blink-182 fanbase with their whiny vocals 
[annoyingly so] and desperately-trying-to-be-catchy choruses, but 
then at the other end of the spectrum, they're shooting for the 
"emo" kids to fall in love with their almost predictable breakdowns, 
cliched guitar intros, and sappy melodies.  This is like holding a 
double-edged sword for this reviewer to impale you with.  How can 
anyone who actually listens to music consider this to be one of the 
best CDs of the year?  Do only 14 year-old skatepunks who think 
Pennywise are gods publish zines now?  Where will the madness stop?  
This is not even close to the best music of the year.  This is not 
incredible, it is not phenomenal, it isn't great, it barely passes 
as mediocre.  End of fucking review.


Somebody get me my gun.